On Fear

I have been thinking about fear as I feel it right now. Yeah, I have gone geeky/ mature/ full psycholgy masters on it. 

I realised fear is not about the moment itself that you fear. It is about the anticipation of the moment, the unknown of it. 

If you have a fear of needles like I do, then it will be before you take the actual injection that you will be the most afraid. Because you don't know what the pain is going to be like. Once you've taken the shot you pretty much know that those kinds of injections only hurt so much. 

So when I need to address my fear of needles, I think of how the previous times have not been so painful, and even if it hurts more than that, I can take so much more pain than what it could be. It gives me peace. And insight into the fact that fear is of the anticipation and not the moment itself! 

Adjustment?

Since my wedding I've been hearing this new term 'adjustment' quite frequently. And from the way it is talked about, it seems like I've never done it before and it's something new I've to learn. I've heard so many times about how people adjust to people, especially in the married couples context (which makes up for about 95% of conversations about adjustments).

I was thinking about it this whole concept of adjustment that we have been made to believe. The gist is adjustment is something difficult to do but it's absolutely essential to a happily married life. It's not uncommon to hear happily married couples talk proudly going through such difficulties with a smile on their face as they 'adjust' to their partners. They talk of it like war stories of battles won and do it with such pride.

I find this whole concept really one-sided. We always talk about how as a spouse you adjust to this behaviour or that trait of your spouse. How you've learnt to be okay with it. Or find your ways around it. And each party talks of it as if it's only been their battle and only their victory.

It makes me think whether these people have ever wondered about what are the behaviours and traits of theirs that the people around them are adjusting to? Wouldn't that lead to real empathy in the relationship? Wouldn't that lead to easier conversations? And wouldn't that lead to real change? Not of your partner but of you for your partner... to make relationships easier and more loving? It's worth giving a thought about, isn't it?